I experienced a 21 day trial. It seemed like all the stops were pulled out and the devil was given full authority to hammer me with offense, anger and hatred. There were a number of people who said or did things that really offended me, and I felt such anger to the point that I wanted to slug somebody. To be honest, I don’t think any of them really knew what they were doing or that it had the effect on me that it did. It seemed like wave after wave of of anger and offense rolled over me without any let up. During this time, a friend of mine was sharing what she had learned in a book about self hatred. Once she shared about it, I felt like I really hated myself deep inside, and I wanted to run out of the room, screaming. Finally, I asked her, so what did you do with this information? She said she looked at herself in the mirror, raised her hands up and blessed herself. Then she said, I told myself that I love me. Physically, I just sat there looking at her but inside I wanted to throw up as it sounded so narcissistic not that I was accusing her of narcissism, but if I were to do that that’s what it would be. At the end of this three week time. I was sitting on the edge of my bed and everything was calm like it would be in the eye of a storm. It’s like God had brought me to this place so I could look at the events of the past three weeks swirling around me, like Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz. As I sat there, looking at the events of the past three weeks there was no reaction in me no passion no anger no offense. I was just a quiet observer. Then I heard God speak, not audibly but definitely I heard the words in my mind, “That’s not you!”
In that moment, the truth went into my heart. I could see that it was Satan, who is filled with offense and hatred toward the Son of God. And since he cannot touch the Son, his only outlet is to destroy the temples in which the Son dwells. These familiar spirits say things to us in first person so that we believe the thoughts to be our own and after planting those seeds, we give birth to anger, hatred, and offense. I could clearly see how I had been identifying with the heart of the adversary. It was like the curtain was pulled back and I could see how he was involved in all of it and that I did not need to give him any agreement. After considering this truth for a few moments, he spoke again, and the message I received was, the mirror that I want you to look into and bless are the people that I bring before you who show you who you really are. They are like mirrors to show your faults and weakness and often you cannot identify with their failures until God opens your eyes and show you that you are no different. You’ve just been covering the excrement with flowers and perfume. As you see this, your judgments and complaints against them melt away because you see that you are no differentand you can bless them, you can love them. I thought this was much easier than the narcissistic view that I had before. It truly was a liberating experience and I understood the meaning of the of the words, “The truth will make you free.” It doesn’t set you free it changes something in your understanding, something in your heart so that you are ‘made’ free of the deceptive thoughts of those familiar spirits. If someone comes into my experience and they say or do something that churns within me, I know that I have something to look at and I can be thankful for they are like wise men, bearing the gift of eye salve.
Now, whenever I hear or feel something that I know is not heavenly, I can look at it and know that it is not me.
In that moment, the truth went into my heart. I could see that it was Satan, who is filled with offense and hatred toward the Son of God. And since he cannot touch the Son, his only outlet is to destroy the temples in which the Son dwells. These familiar spirits say things to us in first person so that we believe the thoughts to be our own and after planting those seeds, we give birth to anger, hatred, and offense. I could clearly see how I had been identifying with the heart of the adversary. It was like the curtain was pulled back and I could see how he was involved in all of it and that I did not need to give him any agreement. After considering this truth for a few moments, he spoke again, and the message I received was, the mirror that I want you to look into and bless are the people that I bring before you who show you who you really are. They are like mirrors to show your faults and weakness and often you cannot identify with their failures until God opens your eyes and show you that you are no different. You’ve just been covering the excrement with flowers and perfume. As you see this, your judgments and complaints against them melt away because you see that you are no differentand you can bless them, you can love them. I thought this was much easier than the narcissistic view that I had before. It truly was a liberating experience and I understood the meaning of the of the words, “The truth will make you free.” It doesn’t set you free it changes something in your understanding, something in your heart so that you are ‘made’ free of the deceptive thoughts of those familiar spirits. If someone comes into my experience and they say or do something that churns within me, I know that I have something to look at and I can be thankful for they are like wise men, bearing the gift of eye salve.
Now, whenever I hear or feel something that I know is not heavenly, I can look at it and know that it is not me.